Are you in a co-dependent relationship?
Have you ever really taken the time to ask yourself why you are in your relationship?
I don't mean during a time of tension or doubt - it's easy to doubt things when emotions are running high, but during a time of calm and reflection. Have you considered what keeps you connected to the person you're with?
We enter relationships due to a bond with our chosen partner and a search for connection and love. We may have things in common with them and share values with them, which can feel exciting in the beginning, but in time it might become apparent that we don't actually have much in common with them any more or don't see a clear future with them.
Sometimes we end up staying in these relationships for the wrong reasons. Often we stay in them longer than we should because we're afraid of what life will look like without them, we might have a fear of starting over or are unable to confront the truth.
This is a co-dependent relationship.
What is a co-dependent relationship?
A relationship tips into co-dependency when things become unbalanced. One person might find themselves feeling emotionally drained, sacrificing their own needs and wellbeing to prioritise the other, generally walking on egg shells and trying to please the other person.
Co-dependency can be hard to spot as it's a gradual creep rather than a sudden change, but over time it can chip away at your self-esteem, leaving you emotionally exhausted and unsure of who you are outside of the walls of your relationship.
Where does co-dependency stem from?
Co-dependency often begins long before we start relationships as adults. It can often feel like an addiction and stem from unresolved issues in childhood.
As a child, if you experienced inconsistent parenting or had to take on a role such as the ‘fixer' or ‘caretaker', you may have grown up believing that love is something to be earned and that you are only valuable when helping and putting others first.
This leads to a cycle of seeking fulfillment through someone else and struggling to meet your own emotional needs. Love in relationships becomes conditional.
Looking honestly at your relationship
Everyone deserves a relationship where they don't have to shrink themselves down or constantly prove their worth.
In your current relationship, it's time to ask yourself:
Do you feel emotionally safe?
Can you be your true self in your relationship?
Is your relationship being nurtured by both people or are you doing more of the heavy lifting?
Time to bloom
As we move into the summer months, it's time to let yourself bloom and grow. If, upon reading this, you have realised your relationship is based on co-dependency, it could be time to seek help. It is possible to unlearn the patterns of co-dependency and build new relationships that are rooted in respect and real connection but it's not always an easy process and having professional support can reduce the strain.
If you're seeking support, relationship counselling can provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and feelings. Get in touch with me to discuss your needs.